How's the online dating going?''Like crap. You should see the people they're matching
Hey, are you Paul? I read your blog! ...No... Hi. I love your Tumblr. ...No... Hi, I'm K, I follow you on Twitter. And Google+. Flickr too. ...Screw it... Excuse me, I'm such your stalker.
I've been working this bar for twenty-two years! We provide hard-working customers with fine, canned, beer! Go back to your suburb, you monster!''Whoa, I wonder what that guy said.''Yeah... I'll have a raspberry vodka...and make that a venti.
Hello.''Didn't I just tell you I'm not interested in talking to you?''Yeah, nine minutes ago.''I'm still not interested. Go away.''Ok, I'm going to come back in another nine minutes.''Please don't.''Eventually you'll change your mind.''It works for my alarm clock.
What now? Do I tell her? Do I not tell her?''If I don't tell her she'll hate me. If I tell her she'll hate everyone she talked to since... since...''Hey K, when did you last eat spinach?''This morning for lun… oh no I have something on my teeth, don't I? JERKS!
I was hoping I could buy you a drink.''I was hoping I wasn't going to have to talk to any tools tonight.''Oh, don't look at me like that, I'm as disappointed as you are.
Oh no.'I'm back.''Weren't you talking to that guy over there for, like, a full hour?''Yes, but then he started talking about sports... And work... And videogames... And his girlfriend.
I tried every single excuse I had to get out of it, but nothing worked. It was like they had already heard them all. So then it was me and all these people who I never met in my life, wishing we didn't HAVE to be there.''Yeah, I hear jury duty is a pain in the ass.''Who the hell is talking about jury duty? I was telling you about my cousin's baby shower. Do you ever listen to me?
Listen, I know he's your friend, and that the economy is bad, so we should be wise about our financial decisions.''That's exactly what I'm saying! So why won't you go out with him again? Did he ask to split the check on your first date?''Worse. He used a Groupon.
What are you doing here? You were giving me the 'come here' look.''No, I was giving you the 'don't you dare get any closer' look.''What's your 'come here' look like?''Like this.''It looks the same!''Dude, we seriously need to talk about your drawing skills.
So…?''What?''Why haven't you answered any of my texts?''I'm on the phone with my I.T. guy right now.''No, I don't think you can mark someone as spam.
B, is everything alright with K? First she orders red wine, which she never drinks, and then…''Oh my god I'm sorry I'm so clumsy! Someone must have tripped me!''That girl was wearing the exact same dress as you, wasn't she?''Not anymore. A martini, please!
Hi, I saw you from over there and thought, hey, maybe that girl w...''Hey, can you shut up for a second?''skip intro''...and that's why I still live with my dad.''Come on, don't you wish you could do that in real life?
K, did I hear you hooked up with your ex last night?''Yeah, but I can explain. I was writing a text to tell him I'm totally over him. It came out as 'I MISS U WANT TO COME OVER?''Damn you auto correct.
I checked in on Foursquare, then published that check-in on twitter and Facebook. Then I checked in on Facebook Places. And updated my status telling people what a good time I was having there. And you DARE to ask me what I did last night?''I…''Whatever, luddite.




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