'I'm a vampire'? That's your pick-up line?''Excuse me, but it's been working pretty well with the under-23 crowd lately.''Well, that's not me.''Fine. Sorry.''I'm a werewolf.'
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Hey B, can I borrow your iPhone? I want to go home with this guy, but I obviously need to google him first.''And if she can't find anything about him on the first three pages, that's even worse.
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So when she asks, I'm going to say, 'Freelancing.' Or, 'flying solo.''Just tell your grandma the truth: you're still SINGLE.''But that has such a bad ring to it. How about 'registered independent?'
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No.''Come on, all these earthquakes in a row, crazy floods everywhere, plus global warming...''I get it. -- No.''But, I mean, have you looked at the weather outside?''Dude, do you really think this is the first 'the world is ending so we should just have sex' pick-up line I've ever heard?''Holy crap, is that a meteor?.
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Hey, what happened to that bartender from last week? The one you left your number for. You wrote it on your tab.''Oh right, yeah, he called me the next day. He cursed me out because I only left a ten percent tip. I'll be honest: I never thought my lack of math skills would get in the way of my romantic life.
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