I feel like I'm in Hollywood. Half of my Facebook friends are celebrities.''You wish. That's just your friends' pictures of their doppelgangers.''What the hell is a doppleganger?''It's German. It means 'skinny person I'd look like if I wasn't a fatass.''I wish I spoke German.
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K, did I just see you fall in love over there?''WHAT?''Listen, I know you around guys. I see you being funny and sexy and smart all the time, but that's just you looking for a hook-up. Now, whenever you become a bumbling mess...''Here's your drink, K-Star.'
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'Hey K, I'm on my way out. Are you at this new bar? 'Total meat market?' Are you sure?' 'Trust me.'
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'Holy class ring, this place is douchebag central. I'm going to have to shut my eyes tight not to see any more douchebaggery. Damn it, I can still hear all their douchebag talk. Guess I'll need to cover my ears. Maybe if I don't have to hear or see them I can just have a nice dr... GOOD GOD YOU PEOPLE SMELL LIKE DOUCHEBAGS TOO!'
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'Hi.''Hi.''Can I buy you a drink?'''Can I buy YOU a drink?''Oh wow. I don't usually... well, ok, then. My name is Jake, what's yours?''Oh wow. I don't usually... well, ok, then. My name is Jake, what's yours?''Quite possibly your most immature rejection ever.''Whatever, poopyhead.'
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